On the disappearance day of Srila Prabhupada, I thought I would post some memories from a disciple who was present during the last five days of Srila Prabhupada's presence in Vrindavan, India.
These are extracts from a diary I kept 32 years ago during the last five days of Srila Prabhupada's presence with us in Vrindavan, India.
Arriving at the Krishna-Balaram Mandir from California at about 9:30 a.m. on November 11, I enter Srila Prabhupada's room. Lying on his back in a large bed, he is being massaged gently. A kirtan is in progress. Prabhupada is incredibly thin; his hands and feet are swollen. His limbs are supported by pillows. Srila Prabhupada says he will go on parikram to Govardhan Hill. Devotees ask if he will ride in a minibus; his answer is "bullock cart".
Srila Prabhupada is so weak he can barely move his forearms or raise a hand as a signal. If he wants to move his leg, he asks someone to help him. It is startling to see him so emaciated, but there he is, in his transcendental body. In this unbelievably weakened condition he proposes to go 32 kilometres in a bullock cart, circumambulate the hill, stay overnight and return the next day! He remains our intrepid spiritual leader, not wanting his bodily condition to stop his Govardhan Puja. Worried, we start planning for the parikram.
At 1:00 a.m. on November 12 Srila Prabhupada is resting, Swarup Damodara, tending closely to him, is relieved by another devotee who begins massaging Prabhupada. While he rests, the room is completely silent. We chant japa under our breaths. I learn that Prabhupada's associates have talked him out of going on the parikram, and we are to go in his place.
Kaviraj Shastri, the doctor, comes in at 8:00 a.m. and declares Srila Prabhupada's pulse to be normal. Kaviraj says that he has seen many, many patients, but never one with a body like Prabhupada's. One day everything will seem in disorder, but the next day everything will be perfect again. Today there is no more high blood pressure either. Kaviraj plans to go to Jaipur to get the ingredients for a medicine, saying if Prabhupada will continue to take milk and medicine he will be well.
At 3:50 p.m. ten devotees are singing a kirtan for Srila Prabhupada. Then another devotee leads kirtan on the harmonium, and I accompany him on kartals. We sing continuously until 7:00. Prabhupada asks to be seated up in bed, and accepts a few chudi noodles. After he is done, Upendra carefully distributes his Mahaprasad among the devotees. Prabhupada is always giving to us, no matter what his apparent condition.
Entering the room at 1:00 a.m. on November 13, I offer obeisances near the bed. The room is silent except for the very faint sound of Srila Prabhupada's breathing as he sleeps, and the slight rustle of a devotee's beads. Prabhupada awakens and begins to have more trouble with his body. Despite rearranging his pillows, massaging, moving him and changing the blankets, Prabhupada is not doing well.
Upendra is sent for, and under his care Srila Prabhupada goes back to sleep. He sleeps for an hour, then awakes at 3:00. For awhile he is cold, but then the quilt which is put on is too heavy, and he asks that it be removed. His left leg is in pain, and he needs to be helped to pass urine. He insists that all covers stay off.
We get Upendra up again and send for Dr. Shastri. Srila Prabhupada loudly and distinctly says "Hare Krishna", repeating it twice at five-minute intervals. Upendra tells us: "You may all chant japa out loud." Kaviraj takes the pulse, looks over Srila Prabhupada and leaves. Prabhupada becomes quieter.
After mangala aratik I re-enter the room. Satsvarupa Maharaj is leading 20 devotees in kirtan, but Srila Prabhupada is worse. Now he has a cold, too. Prabhupada's sister arrives, dressed in white, and goes to the head of the bed to see her brother. She reaches out her hand to give him a long, consoling touch, then proceeds to the foot of the bed and touches his feet before she leaves.
By 9:00 p.m. there are 20 devotees gathered around, including Kaviraj and another elderly gentleman friend of Srila Prabhupada. A devotee is massaging Prabhupada's leg with oil, and a compress is applied to the other leg. At about 10:30, lying on his left side, he begins to sleep very well. Only four disciples are in the room: Swarup Damodara, sitting quietly in the corner, keeping an eye on Gurudev; Jagadish, seated against the wall; a brahmacari, reading by a lamp; and I, whispering the Hare Krishna mantra.
The night is getting cold, and Swarup Damodara wants to block a draft from a French window, but it won't close. I go outside and push, while Swarup Damodara pushes on it from the inside. We manage to close it without waking Prabhupada.
At 11:40 Srila Prabhupada awakes and asks to be rolled onto his back. Swarup Damodara helps him roll over, gives him his medicine and arranges the bedpan. I tuck in Prabhupada's lotus feet under the blankets.
At 12:15 a.m. on November 14, Srila Prabhupada is sleeping soundly. Chanting the Mahamantra very softly. I stand next to him, looking at his lovely head and face, and for 90 minutes I can't see anything else. I stand in one spot and meditate upon his lotus face and head.
At about 10:15, I am passing by the windows of Srila Prabhupada's room and hear a loud kirtan going on in the room. I think that Prabhupada must be feeling better, but one of the devotees tells me that his condition is as critical as ever. At noon the kirtan is still strong. At 1:15 p.m., while we take prasadam, a server announces Kaviraj's prognosis that Srila Prabhupada has only five more hours in his body.
I head quickly to Prabhupada's room, now one-third filled with perhaps 30 devotees gathered close and chanting strongly. Our spiritual master appears to be in a coma: he is unmoving, and his facial expression is trancelike. Lying on his back with his head tilted to the side, his lips are parted, but there is no movement, and his eyelids are closed. Several devotees, including Upendra and Giriraj, are seated on the bed. Caru das, from Berkeley Temple, is seated on the floor, tears streaming down his face as he strokes the feet of his spiritual master. Prabhupada's personal servants Bhakticaru Maharaj, Upendra and Swarup Damodara are in attendance, all worried.
Everybody comes to chant for Srila Prabhupada — brahmacaris, brahmacarinis, householders, Gurukula children, sannyasis, visitors. A devotee sits on a corner of the bed by Srila Prabhupada's feet and leads us in the Pancha Tattva prayer, the Mahamantra and the Gurvastakam prayers. Asking for a prayer book, he leads us in the complete set of Govindam Adi Purusham prayers from the Brahma-samhita. He sings from the book and we all join in for the refrain.
The room is now getting stuffy because of all the people. We open doors and windows and turn on fans. Srila Prabhupada's sister is here, seated on the floor next to the bed. For many hours to follow, she remains nearby. No matter what happens next, she will do her best to be with Srila Prabhupada. A bench is brought in for Prabhupada's elderly Vaishnava friends. Kirtan goes on unceasingly, and the afternoon is filled with devotees coming and going and chanting. Some elderly Vaishnavas later leave, but a really frail gentleman remains on the bench, quietly and continuously chanting japa. Will I ever be able to appreciate what a privilege it is to associate with these wonderful Vaishnavas?
At 5:00 p.m. Kaviraj arrives and moves a stethoscope about on Srila Prabhupada's chest and midsection, worriedly informing Bhakticaru Maharaj of the new prognosis. The word is passed around: only three more hours. At Kaviraj's request, japa beads, Deity pictures and some of Srila Prabhupada's books are placed around his head. It is beautiful to see Prabhupada's lovely head and face thus framed with transcendental paraphernalia.
Pradyumna and others have begun preparations for the Samadhi. There is talk of a palanquin, fresh saffron cloth and garlands. Srila Prabhupada swallows occasionally with his mouth closed. His breathing is noticeable by the slight rise and fall of the sheet covering his frail body. Bhakticaru Maharaj gives him some water. For an hour I sit in the vestibule as townspeople arrive. Everyone is determined to see Srila Prabhupada and begs for a last darshan. At 6:00 p.m. I re-enter the room and the women devotees are clustered about the bed to be as close as possible to him. Upendra's eyes are continuously filled with moisture.
At 7:50 Kaviraj bends over for the pulse, and we all push forward. I stand on a chair in the back of the room but cannot see Srila Prabhupada. Having checked for the pulse, Kaviraj swiftly says "finished". We all erupt with the Hare Krishna mantra with an almost hopeless frenzy. It begins to sink in that it's all over. Devotees are frantically chanting, crying and breaking down completely. One boy collapses in convulsive sobbing. Tamal Krsna Maharaj has us leave the room. The night is filled with close and distant sobbing, women wailing, bells ringing, and dogs are barking and howling.
I go back downstairs 45 minutes later. Srila Prabhupada has been freshly clothed in saffron, and he is adorned with garlands of flowers and a bouquet of Tulasi manjaris. Sandalwood pulp covers his forehead and a large tulasi leaf is on his forehead. His skin has become pale, and a saffron hat covers his head. Four devotees place him securely in a palanquin. Vrindavan Vaishnavas, led by Srila Narayan Maharaj, pay reverent obeisances and place flower garlands, much affected by Srila Prabhupada's departure.
Srila Prabhupada in his palanquin is taken three times around the outside of the temple, with devotees following and chanting. The palanquin is placed successively in front of Gaur-Nitai, Krishna-Balaram and Radha-Krishna; the kirtan is strong and jubilant. The palanquin is again lifted, and Prabhupada is taken around the inside of the temple, then outside. Re-entering, he is placed before the Krishna-Balaram Deities for continued kirtan, with devotees circumambulating him. We go around many times, circling closely. Now the palanquin is lifted, and both palanquin and Prabhupada are placed right on the blue velvet Vyasasan with the lion figures on both sides.
Omkara does the Gurupuja aratik during a roaring kirtan. The first devotees to offer marigolds and obeisances to Srila Prabhupada are his sister, his Vrndavan friends and Tamal Krishna Maharaj; then Upendra, Pradyumna, the ISKCON swamis and temple presidents. Some Gaudiya Math devotees offer garlands of flowers and decorative spiritual paraphernalia. We offer the marigolds by circling motions and shower them on Prabhupada. Narayan Maharaj leads us in a nice kirtan. We learn that the townspeople of Vrndavan requested a last darshan, so Srila Prabhupada will wait on the Vyasasan during the night and then proceed on Vrndavan parikram before returning for samadhi. Tamal Krsna Maharaj tells us to hold continuous all-night kirtan.
As kirtan continues, the night grows cold. The temple room is less crowded and only a few are singing. Most of the 25 devotees in the temple room are chanting japa. After a cold shower I dash back to the kirtan. By 2:00 a.m. the air has become penetratingly cold. Four or five younger devotees and I are clustered near the Vyasasan to keep the kirtan going, along with two elderly Indian devotees who refuse to leave Srila Prabhupada, though they can hardly stay awake. One sits motionless in front of the Vyasasan with only a chadar wrapped around his shoulders. Pradyumna sits with us and chants on his beads. He is looking quite worn-out, but stays with Prabhupada. Viraha Prakash Maharaj is now standing by the side of the Vyasasan steps.
About 3:00 a.m. I am asked to fan Prabhupada with one of the camaras. It is dark enough that the devotees cannot see my tears. By 4:30 many devotees are returning, and Srila Prabhupada's sister also returns. She obviously wants to sit even closer to him, but male devotees fully occupy the carpet, so she humbly sits on the cold floor next to a pillar. Now the women come forward and offer incense to Srila Prabhupada. At 4:45 I volunteer to whisk Prabhupada again.
By 5:00 a.m. everyone is back. As mangal aratik starts, some devotees turn their backs to Srila Prabhupada to pay obeisances to the Deities. Narayan Maharaj tells Gopal Krishna that the devotees are to face Prabhupada, and there is to be a simultaneous aratik for Prabhupada at the Vyasasan while the aratik continues for the Deities. Gopal Krishna quickly arranges aratiks at each of the three altars plus the Vyasasan. Narayan Maharaj leads the kirtan, concluding with a resounding "Jaya Gurudeva." An aratik for Tulasi Devi follows.
The Parikram begins at 6:45 a.m. as the palanquin is lifted from the Vyasasan and carried to the courtyard, where we circumambulate Srila Prabhupada with more chanting. We proceed through the front gate of the mandir, down the road to Vrndavan and its seven major temples. Narayan Maharaj leads the procession and kirtan and takes care that all details of the parikram and samadhi are executed perfectly.
The procession is led by a large group of devotees leading the strong kirtan; 11 dandas are visible. After 20-metre gap is a second group with Srila Prabhupada's palanquin, bearers and attendants, followed by the women devotees and rickshas carrying Srila Prabhupada's sister and some Gurukula children.
The palanquin is borne by Citsukhananda in the front and Vishnu Tattva das in the rear. Although relieved from time to time, these two men carry the heavy palanquin for most of the procession. Bhavananda is inseparable from Srila Prabhupada's side, while Tamal Krishna Maharaj leads the second group of devotees. Upendra appears anxious, but Srila Prabhupada and his devotees sail through the streets of Vrndavan, stopping before each temple. The streets are lined with people shouting "Haribol," "Hare Krishna" and "Jai Gurudev." Families come onto rooftops, and Vrindavan's townsfolk, young and old, pay standing obeisances to Srila Prabhupada.
Not far from the mandir a young woman watches the procession go by, eyes alight with amazement and veneration. Looking at the departing procession, she turns and walks to the center of the road. She bends down and, palms down, rubs her hands in a circular motion in the dust. She smears the dust of the Vaishnavas all over her cheeks and beams with a radiant smile.
Down the road another young woman in exquisite garments steps from her house into the street ditch to see the palanquin go by. Heedless of her finery, she bends her knees into the gutter, brings her head and arms to the ground, and pays obeisances. How is it possible to keep from crying when one sees just how much everyone loves and reveres Srila Prabhupada?
Returning to the mandir, the samadhi begins immediately. Srila Prabhupada has a bathing ceremony, a change of garments, flower garlands, puja offering and a prasadam offering. Finally he is covered with salt and then sand. During the lengthy and beautiful ceremony, the temple bell rings continuously and the kirtan goes on without interruption. At 1:00 p.m. the samadhi ceremony ends, and the devotees take prasadam.
Although I am not competent to write about these events, I beg the mercy of our Founder-Acarya and the entire disciplic succession to record this for those who were not able to be with Srila Prabhupada during his last days with us. All glories to our inconceivably merciful and infinitely wonderful Srila Prabhupada.
by Anantacarya das
Comments
hare krishna
hare krishna rasa maharaja!!!
a very nice blog by u!! i was very eager to know abt the disappearance day of Swami prabhupada & here i found it!!!May Kanha bless everyone wid the Pious devotion of his LOTUS FEET!!! HARE KRISHNA!!!
Hare Krsna
Thanks for your comments kanhamylove....I am by no means a Maharaja but Srila Prabhupada was a perfect example of a strict sannyasi.
Swamiji will be in our heart
Swamiji will be in our heart always!!
May Kanha bless everyone wid the Pious devotion of his LOTUS FEET!!! HARE KRISHNA!!!
In Our Hearts
Yes you are right kanhamylove....Srila Prabhuapada by his pure love will always have a place in all of our hearts.
A talk by Giriraja Swami
Srila Prabhupada's Disappearance Day
November 14, 2007
Mayapur
I am very grateful to Srila Prabhupada for having brought me into your association. You are his sincere followers, and many of you have been serving him for decades, from when you read or heard about him or met him in person.
Once, on his guru maharaja's disappearance day, Srila Prabhupada said, "On the absolute platform, there is no difference between the appearance and the disappearance of the spiritual master. Both are beautiful, just like the sunrise and the sunset--both are beautiful." So although we feel separation, within that separation our remembrance of Srila Prabhupada is heightened, and thus we experience the beauty of his presence--in separation.
To straightaway speak specifically about Srila Prabhupada's departure feels abrupt to me, because it is a painful topic, but remembering Srila Prabhupada's words that the disappearance is also beautiful, I wanted to share with you a lesson that I learned from his departure.
A few days before he was to leave us, Srila Prabhupada expressed a desire to travel by bullock cart to different holy places in India. His Holiness Lokanath Swami had been traveling by bullock cart to different places of pilgrimage, and Srila Prabhupada was very enlivened when Lokanath Swami reported to him in Vrndavana. And Prabhupada said that he too would like to go on pilgrimage in a bullock cart. He asked Lokanath Swami to arrange it, and Lokanath Swami was very enthusiastic, having been encouraged by Prabhupada in such a direct way. He immediately went to organize the bullock cart and make all the arrangements. Govardhana-puja was to take place in a couple of days, and Prabhupada said that he would begin his pilgrimage by traveling on a bullock cart to Govardhana Hill to celebrate Govardhana-puja with the Vraja-vasis.
At that time, Srila Prabhupada was bedridden and, one could say, emaciated. He was unable to eat; he was able only to sip a little liquid. So he was very gaunt and weak, with almost no energy. He would just lie on his bed, and sometimes, with great difficulty, speak softly, often so faintly that only those very close to him could hear his words.
There were many devotees in the room when Srila Prabhupada had his exchange with Lokanath Swami. And immediately after the discussion ended and devotees went outside, they began to express two very strong heartfelt opinions about what Srila Prabhupada should do--and, more than that, how we as disciples should relate to Srila Prabhupada and serve him.
One group, which included His Holiness Lokanath Swami and other esteemed, senior disciples, such as Hamsaduta Prabhu and Bharadraja Prabhu, felt very strongly that we should do just what the spiritual master orders. We shouldn't question his order; we should just execute it. But some of the other disciples, many of whom had been attending to Prabhupada's personal care, felt that Prabhupada's health would not sustain his travels on a bullock cart and that, because he was so emaciated (he had practically no flesh on his bones), if he did go, it would be very painful for him. Even if they padded the bullock cart with a mattress, it was still a basic bullock cart, and the roads in Vraja were very rough, so the movement of the cart would jostle Prabhupada--and he would feel pain. Some devotees feared that he might even give up his body on the way. So they did not want him to be subjected to what they foresaw as certain pain--and perhaps the dire consequence of his death.
But this second position was very difficult to maintain under the circumstances, because Srila Prabhupada was so emphatic. "Let me travel to all the tirtha-sthanas [holy places]," he had said. And whatever objections devotees had raised against the proposal, he had countered. "One-day experiment," he had pleaded. "Rest assured. I will not die in one day." When even Prabhupada's kaviraja had predicted that with all the jostling on the bullock cart, Prabhupada would not survive more than two hours, Prabhupada had replied, "But I think I shall be cured." Still, Tamal Krishna Goswami, Bhakti Charu Swami, Bhaktisvarupa Damodara Maharaja, Bhavananda Maharaja, and others felt very strongly that this "experiment" would have dire consequences. But how to convince Prabhupada?
So, the controversy continued. When Prabhupada said, "I think I shall be cured," Hamsaduta and others took it that he was supporting their position. But the other side took it differently: "What does it mean that he is going to be cured? It means that he is going to leave his body and get a spiritual body. That's how he is going to get cured." Each party was seeing things in a particular way that supported its particular point of view.
Finally, things came to the stage where the bullock cart waswaiting outside the gates of the Krsna-Balarama Mandira. Everything was being readied. And for the devotees who were in the mood that Srila Prabhupada should stay, it must have been like when the residents of Vrndavana saw Akrura getting the chariot ready to take Krsna to Mathura.
The evening before his planned departure, Srila Prabhupada was lying on his bed (many of you have seen his bed in his house in Vrndavana).Bhakti Charu Swami was in the room, and Srila Prabhupada's godbrother Akincana Krsnadasa Babaji Maharaja came to visit. Babaji Maharaja was a very advanced devotee; Srila Prabhupada had said that he was a paramahamsa. He was always engaged in hari-nama--absorbed in hari-nama--and was always blissful. And he and Prabhupada had an extraordinarily affectionate relationship. So Bhakti Charu Swami thought, "Let me appeal to Babaji Maharaja. If he asks Prabhupada not to go, then Prabhupada may listen." So, he was speaking with Babaji Maharaja. In the meantime, Tamal Krishna Goswami and Bhavananda Maharaja were upstairs in what had been Prabhupada's bedroom before his bed had been moved down some months earlier. And while Babaji Maharaja was sitting at Prabhupada's bedside, they came down--in a very emotional state. Prabhupada was aware of what they were thinking, and he asked, "So, you request me not to go?" And Tamal Krishna Goswami responded, "SrilaPrabhupada, we were getting so upset. Two devotees told me this road is so bad that if you go on this road you're going to be jolted back and forth. The road is terrible. I just can't understand, Srila Prabhupada, why it has to be tomorrow that we have to go. If anybody wants you to travel, I do. But why do we have to go when you're in this condition? I can't understand it."
"All right," said Srila Prabhupada. "I will not go."
"Thank you, Srila Prabhupada," said Bhavananda. "I was in too much anxiety."
"No, no, I cannot put you in anxiety. I shall do what you like. My left hand and my right hand--I cannot refuse."
Then Tamal Krishna said, "Actually, Srila Prabhupada, we're so attached to you that you practically drive us to madness sometimes. Tonight we were becoming mad." Prabhupada said, "No, I shall not do that." And to Babaji Maharaja he said, "Just see how much they love me." Then Tamal Krishna said, "Srila Prabhupada, the way you deal with us simply deepens our attachment every moment." And Prabhupada replied, "It is my duty."
For the devotees in the room, it was a jubilant occasion that Prabhupada had agreed to wait. As Tamal Krishna Goswami had said, "We will take you on tirtha-yatra, to all the places. Just get a little stronger." But when the news reached the other group, they were upset: "This is not our duty as disciples, to try to prevail upon our spiritual master. Our duty is to execute his will. He said that he wants to go by bullock cart to Govardhana, and our duty is to arrange for what he wants. Our duty is not to advise him or prevail upon him according to our perception." The controversy continued until the end--the anniversary of which is today.
Prabhupada spent his last three days with his disciples at the Krsna-Balarama Mandira, and the last day he didn't speak. His only words were in the morning, when the kaviraja asked him to drink some juice and he replied, "Meri kuch iccha nahin": "I have no desire." After that, Prabhupada didn't speak. He was in a completely internal state of consciousness, and the devotees surrounded him with kirtana. And for the last few hours, in the afternoon, the leaders opened up the doors to everyone. Young, old,children, men, women--all were allowed to be in the room with Srila Prabhupada and reciprocate love with him. Then, at about 7:26 p.m., his tongue and mouth moved--Hare Krsna--and he left.
As for the controversy, it continued; the feelings still ran strong on both sides, even after Prabhupada left. And I still couldn't determine who was right. There were devotees senior to me on both sides, devotees whom I respected and had served. Personally, I may have been closer to some of the ones engaged in Srila Prabhupada's personal service, but still I wasn't sure who was right. I just wasn't sure, and it was on my mind.
It was always my habit, or my practice, that I liked to chant japa in Srila Prabhupada's rooms (of course, not when he was there), and after he departed I did that. I was in his room chanting japa, and behind his bed was an area with his bookshelves. Somehow, I found a little corner there and was chanting japa, when my eyes fell upon the new volume of Srimad Bhagavatam that had just arrived--the Tenth Canto, Volume Two. In fact, it had been delivered into Srila Prabhupada's hands in his last days. When the devotees presented the book to Srila Prabhupada and he was looking at the pictures, everyone could see the love in Prabhupada's eyes. Tamal Krishna Goswami remarked, "How much love for Krsna Prabhupada has," as evident from the way he was looking at the pictures of Krsna. So, I saw the book. It had gold embossing, especially made for Srila Prabhupada. I opened it up, and it happened to open to Chapter Nine: "Mother Yasoda Binds Krsna." I read a few verses and purports, and then I came to a verse that, to me, answered the question.
TEXT 19
evam sandarsita hy anga
harina bhrtya-vasyata
sva-vasenapi krsnena
yasyedam sesvaram vase
TRANSLATION
O Maharaja Pariksit, this entire universe, with its great, exalted demigods like Lord Siva, Lord Brahma, and Lord Indra, is under the control of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Yet the Supreme Lord has one transcendental attribute: He comes under the control of His devotees. This was now exhibited by Krsna in this pastime.
COMMENT
The pastime is encapsulated in the previous verse:
TEXT 18
sva-matuh svinna-gatraya
visrasta-kabara-srajah
drstva parisramam krsnah
krpayasit sva-bandhane
TRANSLATION
Because of Mother Yasoda's hard labor, her whole body became covered with perspiration, and the flowers and comb were falling from her hair. When child Krsna saw His mother thus fatigued, He became merciful to her and agreed to be bound.
COMMENT
When I read these verses I thought, "This is what happened." The spiritual master is the transparent medium through which Krsna manifests Himself. Of course, in vraja-bhakti the relationship with Krsna is different. In Vraja, Krsna exhibits nara-lila, humanlike pastimes, in which there is complete intimacy and freedom between the devotees and the Lord. In the relationship between the disciples and spiritual master, however, there is always an element of awe and reverence--and duty. Still, duty is meant to lead to love. And Srila Prabhupada did say to Babaji Maharaja, "Just see how much they love me."
One month earlier, there had been another incident. Srila Prabhupada had stopped drinking. Previously, he had said that when his father wanted to leave his body he stopped drinking, and that this was a bona fide way to give up one's body when the time comes. Prabhupada didn't make any announcement or anything. He just stopped drinking. Prabhupada had a servant, Upendra dasa, a very sweet devotee, and very innocently he said to Prabhupada, "Prabhupada, you have to drink. If you don't drink you will become dehydrated. And Prabhupada said, "Oh, you want me to drink? Call the GBC." [laughter] So, that decision--whether Prabhupada should drink or not--was no small matter.
Abhirama informed the GBC, and the GBC and senior devotees came into the room. Prabhupada said, "If I want to survive, of course I'll have to take something. But my survival means so many inconveniences. Therefore I have decided to die peacefully."
"Everything is in the hands of Krsna," said Tamal Krishna. And that had been the mood, coming from Srila Prabhupada: everything depends on Krsna. Many times Prabhupada had said that whatever Krsna desired he would accept. If Krsna allowed him to stay, he would stay. And if Krsna wanted him to go, he would go. Previously, a disciple had asked Srila Prabhupada, "You said that your guru maharaja left early because he was disgusted. Is that the case with you?" And Srila Prabhupada had replied, "No. If Krsna allows me to stay in your association, I will be most happy to stay in your association."
Now, however, Srila Prabhupada opened his eyes and said, "Krsna wants me to do as I like. The choice is mine. He has given me full freedom." This was a different mood--a completely different answer. And it gives us a glimpse into the intimate reciprocation between Krsna and Prabhupada.
We all went out into the anteroom and discussed. Kirtanananda Swami's point was most clear and lucid and intelligent. He said, "If Krsna has given Prabhupada the choice, and if Prabhupada is giving us the choice, then we should ask Prabhupada to stay." Everyone agreed, "Yes, we should ask him to stay." Then some devotee said, "But all the GBC men aren't here." And Brahmananda retorted, "Come on. What GBC is going to say that they want Prabhupada to go?" So it was decided, unanimously. We would go back into Prabhupada's room and tell him that we wanted him to stay, and Kirtanananda Swami would be the spokesman.
We went back in the room. Prabhupada was lying quietly on his bed. As soon as we finished offering obeisances, Kirtanananda broke down and started sobbing. He couldn't speak, and Brahmananda, sitting behind him, rubbed his back to soothe him. Then Kirtanananda spoke: "If Krsna has given you the choice, then don't go! We need you!" Srila Prabhupada asked, "Is this your joint opinion? Have you discussed?" "Yes, we have all met together. We want you to remain and lead the movement and finish the Srimad Bhagavatam." Prabhupada was silent for what seemed like an eternity. Then he began to yawn--and said, "All right." Just like that. [laughter] He agreed to stay in such a nonchalant way. All the devotees were just jubilant. Within ourselves we were rejoicing: "Prabhupada is going to stay! Prabhupada's going to stay! He is not going to leave us. He is going to finish Srimad Bhagavatam. He is going to lead the movement."
And Prabhupada said, "This is real affection."
So, when I read this verse from the Tenth Canto, I thought of these two incidents and put them together. In both cases, when the disciples had expressed themselves--"We want you to stay," "We want you to get healthy"--Prabhupada had said, "This is real love," "Just see how much they love me." So, I think that all of the disciples in this controversy were acting on the basis of their realization of their devotion for Srila Prabhupada, but I believe that what Prabhupada really was doing was drawing out from us our loving sentiments--beyond just following the order.
Following the order is a given. There is no question. We have to follow the order of the spiritual master. To disobey the order of the spiritual master is an offense against the holy name. It is a basic principle of spiritual life. So we are not talking about disobeying the order of the spiritual master. What we are discussing is developing loving feelings for the spiritual master and expressing them to him. When Srila Prabhupada brought us to that stage in those two incidents, he commented, "This is real love," "Just see how much they love me."
Relating the verse from the Tenth Canto to what Srila Prabhupada did with us, there's also a parallel between the damodara-lila and that principle of spontaneous love. Every night during the month of Damodara, we recite the Damodarastaka, and I will read verse three:
itidrk sva-lilabhir ananda-kunde
sva-ghosam nimajjantam akhyapayantam
tadiyesita-jnesu bhaktair jitatvam
punah prematas tam satavrtti vande
"By such pastimes He is drowning the inhabitants of Gokula in pools of ecstasy and revealing to those devotees who are absorbed in knowledge of His supreme majesty and opulence that He is only conquered by devotees whose pure love is imbued with intimacy and is free from all conceptions of awe and reverence. To this Supreme Lord, Sri Damodara, whose belly is bound not with ropes but with His devotee's pure love, I offer my humble obeisances."
The damodara-lila is meant to show spontaneous, pure love's special power to conquer the Lord. The Lord comes under the control of such pure love. In the same way, Srila Prabhupada--not exactly that he came under the control of our love, but I would say that he brought out that love from deep within the recesses of our hearts, and then he reciprocated with us by coming under our control or agreeing to our requests.
So, this is a very deep pastime of Srila Prabhupada's. Among the disciples who were around him at the end, it was understood that Srila Prabhupada was the perfect acarya--he had taught us by his own example how to live in Krsna consciousness, and now he was teaching us how to die in Krsna consciousness. That was the general idea in those months and weeks, that he was showing us how to retire to a holy place and how to be absorbed in hearing the holy names of the Lord, and how up until the end, even in his delicate condition, he was trying to push forward the mission and was translating and dictating purports to Srimad-Bhagavatam--up until the very end. So in that way he was showing us how to die in Krsna consciousness. But within that final lesson he also brought us to this more intimate level of exchange where we could express to him our heart's deepest desires even in spite of the barriers that I would say he deliberately put up. He deliberately put up the barriers, but then he inspired us to break through them to reach out to him and express our love for him and ask him to stay with us.
Even though Srila Prabhupada has now left that body, we still have that choice. We always have that choice: Do we want him to stay with us or not? And I remember at that time, although we had been going along in the mood that whatever Krsna wants is all right, when we understood what really should have been in our hearts--that we wanted him to stay--we thought, "Maybe we want to be the controllers, to be the enjoyers." So there is always that question: Do we want the kingdom of God without God, without God's representative, or do we want the kingdom of God with God, with His representative, as their humble servants? And so I pray to Srila Prabhupada that I will always remember this lesson and always pray and act in such a way that he will be pleased to stay with each of us individually and all of us collectively, and bind us to his lotus feet eternally.
Hare Krsna.
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(This was sent to my email)
Very Nice Lecture
Thanks for this Bhaktin Carol....this is a very nice talk given by Giriraj Swami that I also received. Maharaja's insight into Srila Prabhupada's last days is very inspiring.
Our Love For Srila Prabhupada
Thank you so much Rasa prabhu for this nectarean descriptions. I felt like being there able to participate in the last hours of our founder acharya. That's why we are here, because we all love Srila Prabhupada so much and want to impact others by showing and giving to other living entities what he has given to us with so much affection and love. This reciprocation he received was just a little spark of what he has given to all of us as a caring and loving master.
For me he is eternal and lives in my heart through his words, preachings, disciples who are our siksa and diksa gurus. I feel very blessed to have taken this opportunity to get in contact with special moments.
Thanks so much, may Srila Prabhupada always bless you in your spiritual path giving you all the qualities you need to be his perfect follower.
your servant
Aruna devi
Getting in contact with special moments
Thanks for your comments Aruna devi...you are very right, we are fortunate to have these 1st hand accounts of Srila Prabhupada's association. Even when he left this world, the final lesson of leaving our body was shown by perfect example by our Founder Acarya.
Wonderful blogs!!
Thank you so much Rasa prabhu and Bhaktin carol prabhu.
It is very good to read, learn and meditate the final pastimes of our Gurudev.
Your humble servant,
Durga
The Final Pastimes
Thanks Durga....these pastimes are very instructive from our Founder Acarya Srila Prabhupada.