This question is one that I am wondering about now, because of recent events that have taken place yesterday. I broke many of Krishnas wishes, and my own promises. Not only have I hurt myself, but I have hurt those who care about me with my actions. This is what is very painful to me, because I am trying to do what Krishna wants, and live my life according to his wishes. Yet I have slips back into my old ways. Last night I broke the law, and had to be escorted out of a store in handcuffs. It was a simple misdemeanor, and I have never been in trouble with the court so this is a real big deal for me. I have my troubles, but I am not a bad\dumb person, and I try my best to never offend\neglect anyone. I just have bad impulse control. The choices I make many times hurt me, because of what they do to those close to me.
I understand that no one is a perfect devotee, and mistakes occur. My question is though what can I do too stop from going back to my old ways of partying, and ignoring God. How can I continue to be a better devotee. I am real messed up inside over everything inside of me, because I dont want to be my old self. I know I am better off without those things I left such as drugs, but I really messed it last night. Any help would be great.
Haribol!
Amazed
Hare Krishna.
Dearest Salvanos,
I am completely amazed at your sweet desire to serve Krishna and your feelings of helplessness in your situation. Actually, this feeling of helplessness is glorious in itself. Recognizing that we are helpless in this material world gives us the incentive to seek out shelter at Lord Krishna's lotus feet. The fact that you are doing this overwhelms me with a sense of admiration for you. It is a humble attempt, on your part, to openly present yourself in these forums to devotees as helpless and in need of mercy! Surely, Krishna will bless you for this! I have no doubts.
I am absolutely shocked that you are suffering on account of your devotion to Krishna, being mocked by others, and you remain alone without devotee association to support you and yet you are remaining firmly fixed in your devotion to Him. How can I compare with you? Please, therefore, kindly accept my deepest respects and my extended friendship towards you.
As such, my advice is that you continue to submit your doubts and difficulties to devotees for advice as you are doing. Continue to chant your rounds and read as you are doing...and continue to pray to Krishna. Do not worry at any setbacks that come your way. Sometimes what appears to be a setback is really a manifestation of Krishna's mercy, though it may not appear to be so at the time. Krishna sometimes places his devotees in difficult situations so that they feel utterly helpless and completely turn themselves 100% over to Him. It is His special mercy.
Do not worry! Nothing that we do in devotional service is ever lost by any means, so there is no need to have any anxiety. Krishna will most certainly bless you.
Lilia
Thanks for all the advice
Thank you all for the great advice you have given me. I will continue to chant, and concentrate on the lord more than my material\sense desires. I like the comment about being a baby, it really made sense. I will be the first to admit that I am fairly new to Krishna Consciousness *its been about 5 months*, and I dont know everything nor will I act like I do.
That is why I am grateful for connect, and many of the other KC sites on the internet. Where I am located there are no official ISKCON temples, and the closest Hindu one is about a 1\2 hour drive. That is not within my reach yet, because I do not have a vehicle, and no one I know would want to go their.
I am currently looking for devotees in my area to associate with, mainly because none of my friends\family approve of KC. Some of my friends have even gone far enough to insult Krishna, and my devotion to him in many vulgar ways. Needless to say after they had done that I realized that they were not really friends at all.
I do chant, and I read\think about krishna as much as possible. I dont buy books from the big chains, but have been blessed to find many of Srila Prabhupada's books at sales, and thrift stores. So far I have found.
The science of self realization
The Quest for enlightenment
The Journey of self discovery
Krshna
The Bhagavad Gita as it is
Srimad Bhagavatam Second Canto part one
Every day I study the gita\srimad for at least an hour. Japa is where I have my big problem. I cannot really do the whole 16 rounds (at least 2 hours when I awake, because I must get ready for work. I work at a bakery so I am in around five a.m. Where can I fit in japa. Between my schedule of work\school\and study what would be a good time to do japa.
Chant Always
Just chant all the time Salvanos.
No matter what you are doing, just always be chanting while you are doing it. While you are working, on your way to work, on your way home, in the evening as you do what ever you do....
Just keep chanting. All the time.
If you can't chant out loud, then chant in your mind.
It's the chanting that will give you the strength to resist the habits you are trying to break. It's spiritual strength that you need.
Spiritual strength comes from chanting.
If you chant all the time this way, you will eventually work out a way to find some time to sit down and chant japa on your beads.
(but even when you do, you still need to chant all the the rest of the time anyway : )
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare
Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare
Navasi
I actually chant while doing
I actually chant while doing work, studying, and various other chores. I try to have Krishna on my mind always.
So chanting in your mind is alright. Thats good, because I do that a lot.
Things have started to look in the right direction recently. Now that I again am focused on Krishna, material modes do not mean as much.
I rely a lot on chanting
I rely a lot on chanting throughout the day, without beads. i am not the most disciplined person so proper japa is challenging for me. But if nothing else I think it is good to have KRISHNA's name on one's tongue or in the mind!
Say - I shall be Your infant
Spiritually I am just an infant,
And emotionally too
When will I grow up ?
I have no clue.
O my sweet, kind, gentle Lord
K R I S H N A, I NEED YOU !!!
You know this too well
More so that I do
So You will never abandon me
'Cause an infant needs the Parent
To hold her every moment
Does that make me proud ? No not at all !
Ask me why and I shall tell it all
'Cause an infant is oblivious to praise or blame
To stone or gold, pride or shame
She is unaware of her existence
As seperate from the Mother
Does she know the letter "I" ?
Any more than stars in the sky ?
......
...
from a poem
by Krishnali
Just a Test
Hare Krishna,
Salvanos what you're facing is common. We all are attracted (at times) back and given the chance to be animals and enjoy the material energy again and again, no matter how sincere a devotee you are. But that is when your test is being conducted by Shri Krishna, it is just like going from high school to a college for which there are entrance exams, and after you get in college you take several courses and pass several exams and after that you get the degree. Similarly, you have just entered the college by knowing that your past activities were bad.
Now, on every step you have to hold back for all that will come back to you again and again (Beware your impulses are not the ones that are Krishna's wishes, what you understand that your past activities are bad and must be free from it, that is Krishna's wish). Speak to your heart loudly that "no matter whatever comes and goes I shall stay focussed on my pursuit to see Lord", don't be ashamed of anything because mis-leaded society considers material energy as God. And, once you start doing this believe me Krishna will energize you with great strength to bring you to Him, and your obstacles will be overcome easily (note these obstacles at times are your attachments and do not look at them as Krishna did unfair to you if He eliminates them). And, to start from where you are always have faith that you will control your senses and not the other way around. Have faith that one day you will curb all the negative impulses in you, have the faith even more strong when a situation gets more worse. This way you will cross the ocean of miseries. Also, Krishna always help those who take even one step towards Him. I know it sounds easy but difficult when it starts happening, and why I know this, because I've been through this. I've not yet got my degree but my pursuit is still on. That is all I can tell you, I don't know if I'm complete in my answer or something is still missing. Hare Krishna, may He bring you to the Light.
Be a baby!!!
For months on end babies cannot speak, but they always try, they cannot walk, but they continue to try, the cannot crawl but they continue trying. They cannot even use their legs and arms like the would like to, yet the never stop trying.
Also a baby is dependent, become dependent upon the Lord in your chanting, praying, serving, remembering and hearing. Your mind will become attracted to whatever it hears glorified, so hear about Krishna constantly through reading, hearing from devotees, audiobooks, and chanting the Holy Name.
It is not true that there are no perfect devotees, that is something that we are all taught in our Christian culture, but even as Jesus says "One should become perfect as thy father in Heaven" Srila Prabhupada proved this to be true by being an absolute 100% perfect devotee of the Lord. Haribol
Your humble servant,
Nityananda Chandra Das
Is your daughter giving you spiritual lessons already ? :)
Hare Krishna
Just want to let you know that it was Vishakha's picture in one of your blogs , that gave me the inspiration to write this poem -
"Let me be Your infant". Oh yes, and also another devotee friend here who said something about Gita in the hands of infants (spiritually).
I have (partially) shared it with Salvanos above, since he said your advice about being a baby made a lot of sense to him.
Please have her mom read this !
your servant
Krishnali
very nice thank you for
very nice thank you for sharing it with me. ys
ncd
Chant
Are you chanting japa Salvanos?
It's chanting that helps us lose attraction for all these material things because we start to really develop an attraction for spiritual things instead.
By developing a higher taste, the lower taste is automatically lost.
Srila Prabhupad explained it's like when you are a child, you may be very happy to play in the dirt making mud pies, but when you grow up, this same activity will give you no pleasure at all.
Similarly, as you grow spiritually, you will develop your higher attractions and then lose interest in those lower things.
The activity that cultivates this higher attraction the most and the strongest is chanting.
That's why devotees chant so much. We chant 16 rounds of japa every single day, it's very important for cultivating this higher consciousness, and losing interest in the old things that belong to the lower consciousness.
You don't have to start with 16 rounds, that's a lot when you are just beginning. But you could start with a few rounds... maybe you have already started, I don't know... but that's the best thing you can do to assist yourself in getting free from these habits that you no longer want.
Hare Krishna,
Navasi
What to do when?
You can just get up the next day and get on the right track again!
"I am trying to do what Krishna wants, and live my life according to his wishes."
Try more to understand 'why' Krishna expects certain things, and that those things are really what we want and wish for, because we are seeking to return to the body of god.
Krishna does not want or wish for anything.
Haribol