When ever I do japa of 16 rounds, initially I do it with love and determination but in just a matter of time I fall down. This happens because I have a lot of material desires and I know that chanting the Hare Krishna mahamantra is not for fulfilling material desires but instead it gives pure love for Krishna so that we get free from the miseries of life and go to Goloka Vrindavan. But while chanting, due to material desires I always get a temptation to pray the demigods and fulfill my dirty material desires, thus in a matter of time I fall down. Though I know that I wont get liberation with demigods and their result is only temporary I still get temptation and keep falling down. Due to this reason I chant hare krishna for a few months then I fall down and start chanting the demigods names. Again after a few months I realize that I am making a mistake by worshipping the demigods and I again start the hare krishna mahamantra. This cycle keeps on going on and on and I am getting frustrated. I know to get determination it is very important to be in the association of devotees, but here also I am facing a lot of problems. I am extremely egoistic and short tempered due to which I always end up offending the devotees. As Chaitanya Mahaprabhu said, offending devotees means an end to your spiritual life. Thus I cant even associate with devotees. IS THERE SOME ONE WHO CAN HELP ME WITH MY PROBLEM.
WONDERFUL!!
I thank all of you for giving such wonderful and inspiring anwers.
Try to get a taste from Japa
I personally feel you are
I personally feel you are very lucky that Krsna is looking out for you and He brings you back to chanting his name again and again.
Instead of getting frustrated, trust in Him - surrender to Krsna and let Him lead you : don't forget He is the ultimate controller.
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Hare Krsna
Dear Jai sree krishna
Dear Jai sree krishna Prabhu,
please accept my humble respects.
regarding demigods we must always rememmber where do they get their power to grant material desires? From Krishna of course! So even if you have material desires you are still better to approach krishna than the demigods as it is Krishna who is fullfilling anyway. Krishna explains in the gita that worshippers of demigods are infact worshipping Krishna but in a wrong way!
the Bhagavatam explains that no matter what our motive is, the chanting of the Holy Names is the doubtless and fearless way of success for all.
"O King, constant chanting of the holy name of the Lord after the ways of the great authorities is the doubtless and fearless way of success for all, including those who are free from all material desires, those who are desirous of all material enjoyment, and also those who are self-satisfied by dint of transcendental knowledge".
S.B 2.1.11
Know it for certain that to chant properley association of devotees is essential. That association means to chant the Holy names with the devotees. if this is the way that we associate with the devotees then where is the question of anger or offenses? If these things are coming in the way then it must be due to some other associations outside of chanting with the devotees. if we go to the temple for the purpose of chanting the holy names with the devotees then there is really no scope for any bad exchanges to happen.
When we chant also we are asking to be engaged in the Lords service so if we are asked to do any service by the devotees then that is the fruit of our chanting and we should happily accept any services asked and perform them carefully. i know myself often conflicts can arise over being asked to do services but that is Krishnas gift to us for our sincere chanting.
Lastly there is the verse trinad api, i assume you know it. the english goes
A Vaisnava in his daily life should be humbler than even a blade of grass. Without having pride in himself, he should honour others. He must be tolerant like a tree which does not beg water even if it dries up. He should live a very simple life and must recite the name of Hari at all moments.’
although we may feel our character to be very different. (i speak of myself) we can know for sure that if we chant minimum 16 rounds a day and extra wherever possible, as well as engaging in some humble service to the devotees. Then the qualities of this verse will automatically start to shine out from our person as they are the natural qualities of the soul.
Your servant
tom